Dear Diary
by Merevy0617
Summary: Dear Diary, how typical to say that.. But this is the first time I'll be writing this down. I just needed to let out these feelings. So today, on the 15th of April, I...
1. Chapter 1

***Title:** Dear Diary  
**Genre:** Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort  
**Word Count:** 3925  
**Summary:** Dear Diary, how typical to say that.. But this is the first time I'll be writing this down. I just needed to let out these feelings. So today, on the 15th of April, I...

**A/N:** Uhm.. Hello guyz! I really love this couple! They're so cute together! Kawaii~! 3 So here's a short story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Fairy Tail and neither do I own the diary. Why Hiro? Y u no give them more moments!

* * *

Dear Diary,

How typical to say that.. But this is the first time I'll be writing 'this' down. I just needed to let out these feelings. It's been nagging me each day, filling my mind with endless thoughts. So today, on the 15th of April, I start the journey, of what my thoughts say and what happens around me.

Gajeel Redfox...

That one name is the root of this all. That name says a thousand words.. no, even more than that! That very name where all my thoughts and feelings have been revolving on lately, the one that fills my heart with hopes and doubts, that causes a twisting and churning feeling inside me, that opened my eyes to things unknown to me, that makes me, well, me. Gajeel... Is HIS name.

He's a tough, strong, rough mage in our guild. Sure, he almost killed my teammates and I once but that was in the past, way before he came to Fairy Tail. I've already forgotten about that. Now, he's a good friend to us all. In fact, he already saved me several times. I can't help but feel so indebted to him for saving my life.. but the way I see it in his point of view, it still wasn't enough to atone for his crimes. I don't understand why he still allows himself to be brought down by that memory. I want to tell him to forget about it but.. it seems like a sensitive matter to open up. Besides, he always changes the subject whenever I tried. If only he can see that everybody has forgotten about it already...

I don't know why but.. I seem to be developing.. a certain attachment to him. He always enters my mind, making my thoughts wander deeply into places in my head that I might not even be able to take it all in. He makes my eyes wander about the guild, searching if he is around or have returned from a mission with Pantherlily, his exceed. And whenever he is around, I just couldn't help but steal a few glances at him, even when I'm in the middle of a good book. His eyes seem to pierce my soul whenever he looks at me. Those dark red orbs of his eyes are so deep, so dense that sometimes, I don't know what goes through behind those hard gazes. He makes me feel big, feel strong, stronger beyond what I've imagined I'll ever be. And when I am around him― much more if I am interacting with him in any way― an uncontrollable heat creeps up to my cheeks, tinting it with from a light pink to a bright red.

Yet, at the same time, as he fills me with hope within, he also fills me with doubt. He's always in my mind but do I ever cross his? Does he look for me? Does he wait for me to return when I'm gone? Does he notice me? Does he really see me or do I just reflect off those eyes? And this irritating habit of his in calling me 'shrimp' and 'shorty' sometimes just makes me feel... small.. and weak. Well, I am after all. He just doesn't have to keep reminding me each and every day he calls me that.

...

Wait, what in the world am I saying? I don't think I want to write about this anymore. I feel silly.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_16, April_

Okay, I know I said yesterday that I wouldn't write about him anymore but I couldn't help it. Whenever I see this notebook on my desk, my hands itches to go and grab a pen and start scribbling down. Well, since I started this, better finish it then. Besides, these 'feelings' are too strong to bear..

Today, I went to the bookstore with Lucy. I wanted to buy lots of books but the money I had hindered me from buying so much. So I ended up just buying one thick romance novel.

On the way home, I hugged my book happily. Lu-chan and I separated along the way. Now I walk alone in the street... And guess who I ran into? Yes, it was him. It had to be him?! I literally ran into him, causing me to fall and to my dismay, having the book damaged and worse, drop in a puddle! I got so angry I blurted out the words "Stupid Gajeel" and ran off with my book. Now I'm regretting it since I was the one who ran into him in the first place.

I guess I better say sorry to him later.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

You know, I shouldn't have come to him today! I tried to say sorry to him in the guild but you know what he said?!

"Oh. That. I didn't see you. Well, not my fault you were so small. Gihee."

That wasn't even a fitting answer for my simple "Sorry for what I said this morning." It doesn't even connect! Argh! What is wrong with him!

...

What is wrong with me?

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_17, April_

Sorry for my outburst. I just got angry..

Anyway, nothing much new today. Just the usual everyday fights, drinking contests, jubilant screams of men.. and him calling me shrimp.

But what made my day was... he actually bought a replacement for my book! That was unexpected.. I didn't hit him on the head yesterday.. Well, at least not that hard.

But still..

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_18, April_

I don't really understand why he seems to dislike Jet and Droy. They are nice guys after all.

It was this afternoon when a rumble was occurring in our guild between men, plus Erza. My teammates were protecting me from incoming tables and chairs as I read my book at the bar. But at the corner of my eye, I watched as he suddenly tackled them, and with that one strike, knocking them unconscious. I don't know if he actually did that to take their place since he seemed to start blocking me.. or if he was just taken in by the heat of the action caused by the fights.

Sometimes, it makes me think that maybe he's jealous, that maybe.. just maybe, he likes me. But who am I to kid myself? Him? Like me? Big ol' strong Gajeel like small lil' weak Levy? Preposterous...

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_19, April_

There he is again, bullying Jet and Droy. I tried to stop him but then he started picking on me instead. But somehow today, I didn't mind. I felt no offense from the words from his mouth, or at least, he never meant any at all.

I once talked to Lily why he keeps acting that way to me. He just mumbled something that I didn't even understand what he said. All that I heard was "He" and "You".. and that doesn't help at all. Now it all got me confused again. What kind of silly trick is the world playing at me?

I tried to ask him myself but he didn't answer my question directly, as expected of him. His choice of words isn't too deep and diverse, knowing him, it could either be a completely pointless thought or something with a hidden meaning. And often at times when I feel it has a meaning, I find too many interpretations for it. His words may mean too many things that it's hard to pinpoint at times what he really meant to say. Thankfully, he's the type of guys who's usually direct with what he feels.

Anyway, I chose to drop the subject entirely.

Later this day, he had to do something stupid again! He ate my limited edition bookmark! It was made up of metal. What's the difference, you ask? Yes, I could've bought a paper bookmark, but the intricate designs carved into the metal caught my eye! They were truly magnificent! And besides, it's limited edition! Teehee..

But he ate it... Simple as that. He. Ate. It.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_20, April_

I have to say, the world sure does a good job in confusing me and my thoughts. He asked me to lunch!

...

Okay, I am overreacting. Actually, he just said he'd treat me to anything to make up for my bookmark. Pretty far from what I said earlier, ne?

Pantherlily suddenly disappeared today and I'm pretty sure why. But, well.. I think I'll have a little fun with Mr. Dragon Slayer, though it's not my style. But this kind of thing rarely happens. I better make the most out of it. =D

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

Teehee! I had fun today, so much fun! I forced him to bring me to the amusement park that stays in Magnolia for only a couple of weeks a year. It's one of the best and biggest events that happens every year. And here I thought I won't be able to go due to my shortage in jewels..

It took quite a while to force him but I finally got him to take me there. And the best part was, I made him promise to go wherever I go. Funny, he had no idea what I really had in mind for that promise!

I first asked him to buy me cotton candy.. And it was a big surprise that he hasn't eaten one yet! Well, thinking about it, it's not really much of a surprise.

I shared mine with him and it was funny how he felt awkward trying to eat it. Up to now, I can't help but giggle at the memory.

Next, we went to a ball throwing game. Sadly, he couldn't get to hit all the cans, though I noticed something wasn't right. Typical FunFair cheats.

Gajeel got pissed off and I'm glad I got to calm him down before he destroyed the stall.. I wouldn't want it to be adding to the stock of bills I have yet to pay.

And then came the good part. I asked him to go ride the rollercoaster with me. I can get pretty scared in the coaster but with him.. there's this feeling that I have nothing to be afraid of.

But of course, he quickly said no without any hesitation.. What do I expect? He's a Dragon Slayer after all.

I reminded him of his promise and it seemed it took all his will power not to just run away.

And there we were, adrenaline rushed through our veins with each twist and turn, each loop and slopes. I screamed, no shame in that, I guess. His head was lolling around, most probably from motion sickness. I wish I had seen his face more but I was so caught up in the ecstasy of the ride that I wasn't able to take note of my surroundings.

After the ride, I let him catch his breath and recover before forcing him into another, namely the 'spinning wheel of doom' for him.. or the Ferris Wheel in layman's term.

And the ride there was... I can't say romantic.. wait what?! What did I just say?!

Ehem... Putting that aside, what happened there was both expected and unexpected. Of course, he still had his sickness once again, but.. as he grew weaker throughout the slow turn of the Wheel, he weakly placed his head on my shoulder! I'm pretty sure my face was bright red that time. I don't know if he did that on purpose or he was just too weak to do anything. Besides, he isn't bold enough to do that, in my opinion. We stayed like that until the ride had finally reached it's end. I had to prop him up just to help him walk.

And oh, thank goodness! Out of luck, we came across Wendy at that time. She casted 'Troia' on him and he instantly became the him I knew! From a completely helpless sick person to its complete opposite! I thanked Wendy as we took our separate ways.

As we walked around the place, I saw something at the corner of my eye and what I saw took my heart at that instant! It was a cute kitty stuffed toy! I wanted it so badly but.. the game was something that needed strength, and, well, you pretty much know why it's impossible for me to win that thing. Apparently, nobody won yet, seeing the prize was still up there, hanging. It's a surprise though, considering that there are a lot of strong people in Magnolia.

I stared at it for a while until I snapped back to reality and turned to look at him... but he wasn't beside me! I looked around and found him, lining up for the game. It was to be expected anyway.

We waited for a few minutes until it was his turn. But.. he didn't get it's.. I was so sure he'd get it.. I felt down. Then I heard him asking for just one more try. I expected him to ask in an offensive way, after all, he doesn't like losing when it comes to strength, but instead of being rough, he sounded more like he's begging, begging for one more try. Finally getting his chance, he played again and luckily... HE DID IT! I felt a big smile come to my face at that time. I watched as the host took the stuffed toy and gave it to him. I watched as he walked towards my direction, holding the toy. And when he came to me...

"Hey shrimp, I saw you staring at this a while ago."

"Y-You played that.. for this?"

"Wh-What?! Don't be serious! I wanted to prove my strength! Is all."

I hugged it so tight and so lovingly. He was showing sides of him I never knew was there. I feel something.. stirring up in me.

The Sun had started to set behind the mountain ranges. I looked up at the orange sky, thinking what I could do to end the day. I hugged the cat close to me, looking down as I ran out of good ideas. It was his voice that cut me out of my musings.

He asked me if I wanted to go on one last ride, the ride where you're on a boat and float gently on a given course. I blushed, thinking about how the ride was meant to be a romantic one for couples. I agreed though.

We were quiet at the first few turns but it wasn't awkward at all. Sometimes, no words are needed between us. I like it too.

I finally spoke up, thanking him again for getting me the kitten toy. He just said a simple word yet it meant like a thousand words to me. We then started talked about random stuff.

It was getting dark when we arrived at our destination. I half-heartedly got off the boat, knowing if I did, the day ends, and so does my time with him...

He walked me home and when we get to the door, we stood there, once again silent. Perhaps there was something missing that kept us both to stay there. I gazed up at him, staring at how the moonlight kissed his face, how the stars danced at the background behind him and how the wind blew his long black mane. He was the first to break the silence between us.

"Bye shrimp."

"Uh.. Goodbye."

He then walked away. Maybe it was just me feeling the need of filling that missing thing that kept ME there at my spot. Maybe he never felt it at all.. I quietly said goodnight even though he might not have heard it..

But even with that rainy ending given to my perfect day, I am still content. I know I will sleep tonight with a smile on my face.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_21, April_

I brought the kitty with me today. The reactions of the people in the guild were priceless when they saw it in my arms and soon, they crowded around me, asking how I got the toy. I simply said that a certain dragon slayer helped me and I am pretty sure they got the point. But in a different way. They are currently brawling again in the guild and I believe it started when Natsu and Gray challenged him to a duel. I never knew that game was such a big deal until now.

The girls huddled around me and asked how my 'date' went and for most of the storytelling, I kept reminding them it wasn't a date. They were really persistent though. I wish they didn't have to be. They are filling my head with false hopes... He won't ever ask ME out. Yeah right..

I mean look at him! His type is most likely the girls who are hardy..

Me..?

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_23, April_

I was busy yesterday. It mostly involves books and chores. Not much happened really so I won't bother writing it down. But now I have nothing to do. Writing here is the only thing I can think of.

The guild is quiet today. The noisy ones are away on a mission.. including him. With this silent atmosphere surrounding the guild, I can't help but think.

I've been afraid of him in his first moments in Fairy Tail. But now the feeling's different. And honestly, I'm not exactly sure what it is. At first, I thought it was just some kind of friendship thing..

But now, thinking about it, it seems to be more than that... It's like what books say it is. Butterflies in my stomach, the world spinning around me, my heart fluttering, my mind going blank.. It's what they call LOVE...

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_25, April_

Why? What have I done to deserve this ruthless, terrible pain that is killing me inside and tearing me apart?

That's right...

I'm was so stupid.. I'M. SO. STUPID!

I was dumb enough to succumb to these feelings! I had let myself fall so hard..and I wasn't even sure that someone would catch me.

It was him. I could never mistake that proud stature, that strong back, that distinct long jet black hair, those piercings that covered the arms and face, that grin, that laugh.. It was him... out with someone else...

I was crushed. Tears immediately

stung my eyes, threatening to fall, to stream down my face. But I wasn't strong enough to fight them back, like how I wasn't strong enough to keep myself from falling. Here I am, sitting on the floor and hugging my knees as close as possible, bawling my eyes off, wishing this was all just a dream.

I had filled myself with both hopes and doubts to keep myself in line, yet I still let the positive side win. And now look where it has taken me. I should never have expected to have a chance. I should never have expected that he would catch me. I should never have expected that he looked at of the same way. I should never have felt like a princess waiting for a prince.. because no one would ever come. I should never have thought.. that he even liked me back...

I thought he made me strong. I thought he made me feel big. I thought I knew I would be safe with him around, safe from any harm that would come my way. But... I just feel so weak now, so fragile, so small, so alone, so.. useless. I..

...

Maybe I should write later. I don't want these pages damaged by my contaminated waters of pain and regret that have been lingering in my eyes.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_07, May_

Twelve days.. Twelve days since I last wrote here. Twelve days since I took so many missions to keep myself busy and away from the guild. Twelve days of crying myself to sleep. Twelve days of barely keeping myself functional. Twelve days since I started avoiding him. Twelve days since that 'day'.

I did everything to keep myself and my mind away from him. I stayed away, sitting at the farthest seat away from him. I barely looked at him. I don't talk to him. If needed, I never looked into his eyes. I just simply avoid him. It hurts to do so.. but it hurts so much more if I just went on like nothing happened. As much as possible, I want to forget about everything. I want to forget about him. Nothing is ever gonna change here. Nothing... Nothing..

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_08, May_

He forced me to talk to him, forced me to look him in the eye when we speak. He asked me what he had done wrong. Why I am avoiding him. Everything.

I wanted so bad to tell him how I felt but no words escaped my mouth. I watched as his nonchalant face held a hurt expression that one who did not know him wouldn't see. His gaze shot straight through me, like a knife inching slowly inside me.

He stopped and left, not looking back. It hurts.. it hurts so much.. Please.. don't leave me.. I wanted to shout it so badly at him. But what was the use? Nothing will ever change...

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

Lucy worries about me but I just tell her it's fine though I know she could see right through me, like an open book. But I just can't tell her. Not anyone.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_09, May_

He stopped bugging me...

I started smiling. But hell knows who saw through that smile I had plastered onto my face.

I'm wasting myself away. So much for moving on.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_11, May_

No.. I can't do this. I don't want to forget about him. If he never came to my life.. things wouldn't be the same. I would've been hit by lightning, heck, I wouldn't even be alive today. He is a big part of my life, whether good or bad. And no, nothing is ever going to change that.

We can still be friends... just friends.

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_12, May_

Things are better now. We talk again and smile to each other. He teases me with those nicknames again and pats me on the head. It's like nothing has changed but inside, something did. But we're okay now, good friends once again.. Good friends..

**/\/\/\/\/\/ **

_14, May_

Pantherlily.. thank you! My heart is filled with infinite gratitude!

Apparently, that furry little feline had seen through me and was even able to trace where all this had rooted from. And he so graciously explained everything to me, that there was nothing between him and the girl.

I was both happy and frustrated at the same time.

Happy because light started to shine in the darkness that was receding into my mind.

Frustrated because I had given up.. and don't know what to do to get myself right back on track

What have I done?

**/\/\/\/\/\/**

_15, May_

To say your name once again here... All throughout the month, I had only said your name here twice. I don't know why exactly.

But today, I will say it again. Along with something I have to admit.

Gajeel Redfox..

The name of the person that had saved me countless of times. The name of the person who was my reason for starting this journal. The name of the person who I had fallen head over heels for.

The name of the person whom I LOVE.

Gajeel Redfox, I love you!

I love you so much!

And today, after my mission, I will tell that to you myself.

=)

...

* * *

**A/N:** And thus, Levy's diary ends! What do you think about it, dear readers? Reviews are always appreciated! ^^

GaLe forevah! Anyway, today is my birthday =))) So I'm posting this to celebrate my birthday. Hihi.

_CAKE CAKE CAKE_ for Nee-san! If you will even read this. But if you are reading this now, then.. well, you did read it. Thanks~! Teehee x3


	2. Chapter 2

***Title:** Dear Diary  
**Genre:** Angst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort  
**Word Count:** 1000  
**Summary:** Dear Diary, how typical to say that.. But this is the first time I'll be writing this down. I just needed to let out these feelings. So today, on the 15th of April, I...

**A/N:** Hi! :D I'm back! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. And read the author's notes at the end as well. Teehee~

GaLe forevah! 3

**Disclaimer:** I **do not** own Fairy Tail. It's Hiro's. And neither do I own the diary. It's Levy's. I own nothing :'(

* * *

That was it. The last entry, written on the 15th of May. Gajeel stared at the last words she had written, mixed feelings flooding into him, ranging from happiness.. to sorrow...

He was too late.

Rarely had he been 'too late' with her. He was able to catch Laxus' lightning before it hit her, twice. He was able to save her in the S-class exams before she was sliced into shreds. Heck, he was even able to gain her friendship after what he had done back in Phantom Lord. He thought he could always keep her safe, in fact, he KNEW he could... Until he was proven wrong.

Levy never returned. She never returned from her mission with Shadow Gear. That was it. That was all he needed to know. But life had to be so much more cruel. Her two teammates returned though, bringing nothing but the sad news and her bandana. Not even her body was with them.

If only he knew... If only he had known that the day before that was the last time he would see her, then he could've told her. He would've, swallowing all his pride and telling her straight out how he felt about her. But it was too late. He can never have a chance to do that again.

The two injured men told their tale after hours of mourning inside the guild, when they felt everybody was ready to know the events that had led to this. Before that, Lucy bawled her eyes out, a cry that was from a person who had just lost a very dear friend. Jet and Droy seemed to have cried enough on their journey back home and just sat there, eyes fixated on the floor. Lily faced away from everybody but his shoulders shook and the Dragon Slayer, knowing him well, knew the exceed was fighting back tears. But everyone expected him to be the saddest of them all. Yet he just sat there at the bar, munching on some scrap metal with his eyes closed. But nobody knew how he truly felt. Nobody really understood him as well as Levy and Lily did. Outside, he seemed not to care too much. Inside, he was dying. Misery slowly engulfed his soul, loneliness filling his heart, numbness in his mind... His eyes would be hollow if you look into them, the light that had once shone in them was gone and was now dull. His words emotionless and when it comes to her, would be full of pain. His anguish was beyond anyone else's.

The details on the mission flyer was deficit and never mentioned an ambush party hidden away in the dense green that surrounded their destination. They were attacked. Luckily, Levy thought quick and was able to escape with her teammates. But her plan backfired on herself. She was caught and with magic, suddenly vanished into thin air. She was gone, wiped off the face of the Earthland without a trace except for her bandana that had fallen off when she was pulled by the hair. Just as simple as that.. She wasn't even given a chance to say her last words. It was a tragedy that had struck them all hard. Either of the two Shadow Gear men wished they were in her place instead.

Gajeel had taken the mission and once attacked, pounded every single person in the ambush party giving them as much mercy as they had given the bluenette. He almost forgot to finish the mission itself. But it did nothing to fill the hole in his heart. She was gone now. It's too late. He had lost the woman he loves...

'I love you so much!'

Those were like her last words to him since she never got to say hers. It felt good yet it hurts so much to read it. Even though it was just hand writing, he felt how much feeling there was in it. But he will never be able to hear her say those sweet words with her angelic voice.. And neither could he tell her how he felt as well.

He stared at a well shaped cement buried halfway down the ground. He was sitting across it as he studied it intently as if he's never been here. It had intricate designs from certain books chosen by Lucy, things only a certain bookworm would understand completely. He had tried interpreting it but to no avail. But down at the center was a name he could never forget.

LEVY MCGARDEN

And down at the bottom...

A DEAR FRIEND, TEAMMATE, LOVER

For once, tears threatened to stream down his eyes and by now, he was no longer strong enough to fight them back. But Levy once said that sometimes, a man crying shows that he is strong enough to show his feelings. And so a river ran down his face, a spectacle last seen several years ago.

He touched the cold surface of her tombstone, running his fingers along the carvings and onto her name. He stopped at the word 'Lover', wondering what made Fairy Tail agree to write it down as well. Had they known all along how she felt? Had he really been that dense on her? So many questions ran through his mind but most of his answers were written down in an elegant font in the notebook he had in his hands, tied together by a certain yellow bandana.

He stood and looked up, pocketing the notebook in the process. Tears still streamed down his eyes, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

"Levy McGarden.. I love you too." he quietly whispered into the nothing yet still hoping it would somehow reach his angel. He glanced one last time at the stone before finally heading back for the day.

He took out a small black notebook and a pen from his back pocket and began scribbling as he walked.

Dear Diary,

Tch. Still sounds stupid.

_**Day 5**__ without Levy.._

I..

* * *

**A/N:** Noooo~! I had killed Dear Levy-chan! o.O

But here is why I asked you to read this. I couldn't choose between two endings so I'm writing and posting both. The other ending, which will be in the next chapter, will be COMPLETELY different from this.. So uhm.. Well.. Just don't expect too much.

Anyway, I hope you liked this. :D see ya next time!

.

.

.

Nee-san~! *hugs and gives cake*! 3


End file.
